Don't get me wrong. I would never make a broad statement such as all women are bad drivers. That's just not me. No, I have a theory and it certainly makes more sense this way. There is a large group of women in the Tri-state area who have conspired to follow me on every road, highway and side street. Even parking lots. And their mission is clear - get in his way and make every wrong move known to man - and woman, of course- behind the wheel.
Take this afternoon, for instance. I was driving in the left lane of the Grand Central Parkway headed west towards the city. You New Yorkers know the way well. Lucky for me, it was past rush hour and the traffic was moving fairly well. If you're doing 60 on the GCP, it's the Autobahn.
This young lady, perhaps a 40-something like myself- was ahead of me but in the middle lane. I can see that she is ever so slowly inching her way into the lane I am already occupying and not signaling or slowing down to see if it is clear or not.
As I am about mid-vehicle smack next to her, she makes the move to the left, leaving me no choice but to hop the curb and ride the skinny shoulder before the guard rail. I blow my horn and hope that this idiot notices me before blasting into me and squashing my car.
Luckily she wasn't texting or doing her make-up and she swerved back to where she belonged. I probably scared the shit out of her. But it want exactly all shits and giggles for me, either.
No I'm pissed off, as I should be. It's been a pretty good year with the business (part of which you're reading now) ands I finally have a car I can be proud of. It's not a Maserati but certainly up there and better than the Honda I had before it. So I intend on keeping it looking nice, thank you.
As we pass one another, she has the balls to give me a dirty look and have an attitude. Listen, mirror breaker. You almost caused a real shitty pile up at high speed and I'm getting crap from you?
So please, help me out in this diabolical plan. A lone male is helpless against an army of females armed with heavy machinery, cell phones and eye liner.
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